Morning sunlight pushed through the curtains, and Avani dragged herself out of bed later than planned. She hurried through her routine, tied her hair in a loose braid, and slipped into jeans and a kurta. By the time she reached the college gates, the campus was already buzzing with voices, autos honking at the entrance, boys hanging around the chai stall with paper cups.

She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and walked straight past a group of seniors who whistled lightly. One of them called out, "Avani, ek smile toh de do yaar!"

She didn't bother to look back. Boys like that felt like noise to her now. Too loud, too immature, all cheap words and no depth.

In the classroom, her friend Kayra waved her over. "Arre, finally! Madam, kal raat fir se Netflix binge?"

Avani smiled faintly, slipping into the bench. "Notes likh rahi thi."

"Notes or some secret romance?" Kayra teased, nudging her elbow.

Avani laughed it off, pulling out her notebook. "Romance ka time kahan hai yaar. Final year hai. Abhi toh sirf practical files."

But her mind wasn't on the lecture. The professor's voice droned in the background while she doodled absentmindedly in the margin of her notebook. Without realizing, she sketched the outline of a beard, the slope of broad shoulders. She quickly shut the notebook when Kayra peeked over.

After class, they sat in the canteen, the air thick with the smell of samosas and chai. A group of boys nearby argued about cricket scores, voices rising with excitement. Kayra leaned closer. "You know Amit from physics? He was asking about you."

Avani rolled her eyes, stirring her tea. "What did you say?"

"I said don't waste your time. Avani isn't interested." Kayra smirked. "Seriously though, why aren't you? He's not bad looking."

Avani sipped her chai slowly, hiding the smirk tugging at her lips. Not bad looking, maybe. But nowhere close to what she wanted. She thought of Varun's rough stubble brushing against her skin, the heavy veins in his hands. She shifted in her seat, pressing her thighs together under the table.

"I just... don't like boys," she said finally.

Kayra laughed. "What, you're into girls now?"

Avani shook her head, lips curving. "No. Just don't like boys." She left it there, letting Kayra think what she wanted.

On the ride back home in the shared auto, the chatter of other students filled her ears. She stayed quiet, gazing out at the busy Jaipur streets, but inside her mind kept circling back to the same place, last night, the way Varun had looked at her for that one brief second longer than needed.

By the time she reached home, Ninad's bike was already parked inside, and the faint smell of dal came from the kitchen where Niharika was cooking. Avani greeted her quickly, escaped into her room, and shut the door.

She tossed her bag down and lay back, staring at the ceiling. All day surrounded by people her age, and not one of them stirred her. But one glance of Varun the night before had been enough to keep her wet even through lectures.

The craving wasn't fading. It was only growing.

After dinner with the family, she went back to her room and tried to study, but it didn't happen. She opened her phone again and clicked on the same saved website link. Sleep came only after hours of touching herself.

Next day, the lecture hall was noisy as always, chalk screeching on the board, the professor's voice drowning in the low hum of side conversations. Avani sat near the window, eyes on her notebook but her mind nowhere close to organic chemistry.

She tapped her pen against the margin, where she had already drawn half a face and the rough line of a beard, the slope of a jaw. She quickly scribbled it out when Kayra leaned over to whisper something about an assignment.

Avani nodded absently, answering just enough to keep her friend satisfied, then stared back out the window.

It wasn't like she hadn't tried with boys before. She had given two years of her life to one. The memory of it made her jaw tighten.

Her ex had come into her life in second year. He was charming at first, the type who texted good morning and good night without fail, called her "princess" like he was the first to think of it. She remembered their first time when how nervous she had been, how she had believed it was going to change everything.

It had changed nothing. It was painful and he acted like nothing mattered but his pleasure. He was quick. Too quick. Always rushing, always chasing his own release, never noticing that she was left aching, unfinished. And when she tried to guide him, tried to whisper what she needed, he laughed it off. "You watch too many videos, Avu. Real life is not like that."

Real life with him had been a disappointment. She had faked smiles, faked moans, even faked little gasps so he wouldn't feel small. But inside, she hated every second of it. By the time the relationship cracked under his jealousy and constant fights, she didn't even feel sad. She only felt wasted two years nothing else.

Now, sitting in the college canteen with the chatter of her classmates around her, she thought back to those nights and felt nothing but emptiness.

She didn't want boys anymore.

Not the ones who begged for selfies, not the ones who got drunk on cheap beer and thought they were men, not the ones who lasted barely five minutes and rolled over satisfied while she lay staring at the ceiling.

She wanted the kind of men she saw in her late-night videos. Men who knew exactly where to touch, how to hold, how to break her body into pleasure she couldn't fake even if she tried.

Men who didn't ask. They took.

She stirred her chai absentmindedly, watching the swirl of brown liquid. In her head, her fantasies played like a movie. Dark, shameless, filthy scenes she never spoke of. She imagined being pinned against the wall of a half-empty corridor, her wrists caught above her head, her mouth covered so no one could hear her gasp. She imagined being bent over a desk, skirt pushed up, panties tugged aside, taken while voices echoed in the next room.

Her thighs pressed together under the table.

And in those fantasies, lately, the man's face sometimes shifted. It wasn't always the faceless actors from the videos. Sometimes it was Varun. The curve of his throat, the line of his beard, the lazy authority in his posture. He slipped in uninvited, a shadow that made her chest feel heavy and her body hot.

She hated how easily he came into her thoughts. A casual word from him, a glance, and her mind carried it for days.

That night, back in her room, she tried to study. She laid out her notes, highlighted two lines, then found herself staring at the wall, lost again. She thought of her ex, the way he had grunted and finished without caring. And then she thought of Varun, imagined him taking her the way she had only ever seen in videos.

The shame never came only the craving. And she never hated the cravings. 

She lay back on the bed, pulled the sheet up to her chin, and closed her eyes. Her hand slipped down almost automatically. She didn't need to open a video. She had enough in her head, old disappointment, new obsession, and the dark fantasies that grew wilder every night.

Her lips parted around a small sigh as her body answered. And just before the wave took her under, she whispered the truth to herself, so soft no one could hear.

"I need a man." Not a boy. Never again a boy.

The next morning, the college courtyard buzzed with noise. Students huddled in groups, some rushing to labs, others leaning against the chai stall with steaming cups. Avani walked in with Kayra and Sonal, the three of them weaving through the crowd toward their classroom.

Sonal was mid-story, animated. "And then he actually said, 'Baby, I'll marry you after placement!' Can you imagine?"

Kayra burst out laughing. "Boys will promise anything for a kiss."

They both turned to Avani, expecting her to join in. She forced a small laugh, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah, sounds like it."

"Come on, Avu," Kayra pressed, nudging her. "Don't tell me nobody's in your DMs. I've seen the way guys look at you."

Avani shook her head, gripping her notebook tighter. "It's nothing. I'm not interested."

Sonal leaned closer, lowering her voice. "Not interested, or already interested in someone else?"

Avani rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed. "Tum dono bas gossip queens ho. Focus on class for once."

They laughed and dropped it, but Avani felt her cheeks warm. She kept walking, eyes fixed straight ahead, but inside her head the truth pulsed heavy. Interested? Yes. But not in the way they think. Not in the ones crowding my inbox, not in the classmates who can't stop staring. In someone I can't even admit out loud.

Sonal was the first to start. "Avu, I swear, you don't even see yourself. Do you know how many boys turned their heads when you walked past the chai stall just now?"

Kayra nodded, grinning. "Come on, Avu. Don't tell me nobody's in your DMs. I've seen the way guys look at you. One smile from you and half the class would get hard."

Avani rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed, but her lips curved despite herself. "Bas, tum dono ko aur koi kaam nahi hai kya?"

Sonal bumped her shoulder playfully. "Seriously, Avu, you've got that curvy figure, that pretty face. Agar thoda bhi signal de do na, every boy in this college will line up for you."

Kayra added with a laugh, "And you dress so simple, still look sexy without trying. Poor boys don't stand a chance."

Avani shook her head, cheeks warming, hiding her smile behind her notebook. "You two are mad. Tumhe bas tease karna aata hai."

But inside, she wasn't irritated at all. She knew they weren't lying. She had seen the looks, felt the stares. Only they didn't matter to her anymore.

As her friends giggled and kept teasing, Avani stayed quiet, nodding along. Outwardly the blushing girl, inwardly burning with thoughts she could never confess. Not to Kayra, not to Sonal, not to anyone.

The professor's voice during lecture blurred into background noise again. Her pen hovered over the page, but instead of notes, she scribbled a single name in the corner of her notebook. Just his initials - V. She quickly shaded over it, covering it up before anyone noticed.

At lunch, while her friends joked about crushes and silly dates, Avani chewed her roti and nodded at the right places. Outwardly calm, normal, the dutiful college girl. Inside, though, her mind was a different world. Darker, hotter.

She imagined herself being dragged into a quiet storeroom, pressed against dusty shelves, a hand silencing her cries. She imagined a man's breath hot on her ear, commanding her to stay quiet as his fingers pushed deep inside her. Her friends' laughter snapped her out of it, and she blinked quickly, reaching for water to cool the heat rising in her chest.

And as she sat in the auto on her way back home, she closed her eyes for a second. The city's noise surrounded her, but inside her chest, only one thought beat steady.

One day, someone will take me the way I want. And maybe... maybe it will be him.

By the time the day ended, Avani had played her role well, the obedient student, the normal girl. No one suspected the filth running in her head, the way her body burned every night for something she couldn't name aloud.

The next day, three of them slid into their usual bench as the professor began scribbling on the board. Kayra leaned over and whispered, "Avu, honestly, if I had your body, I wouldn't waste it on books. I'd have the hottest boyfriend in this campus."

Avani chuckled under her breath, opening her notebook. "Maybe I'm just not desperate like you."

Sonal gasped dramatically. "Oye! She called you desperate." Then she grinned, lowering her voice. "But Avu, really... you know what you do to boys, right? The way you walk, the way your kurta hugs you? Half of them sit behind just to stare at your curves."

Avani pressed her lips together, trying to hide the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Her pen moved over the page, writing notes she wouldn't even read later.

In front of the class, the professor explained chemical bonds, but all Avani heard was the murmur of her friends and the pounding of her own thoughts.

She knew the boys stared. She had seen their eyes drop when she bent to pick up a pen, felt their shoulders stiffen when she brushed past them in the corridor. It was power, in a way. But none of it touched her anymore. She had tasted what boys gave, and it was nothing.

Her thighs pressed together under the desk as her pen slowed on the paper. In her head, she was nowhere near this classroom. She was against a wall, wrists pinned high, a man's hand rough and certain against her skin. Not a fumbling boy, not someone asking, "Are you okay?" every two seconds. A man who knew she was okay because he could feel it in her body.

"Avu!" Kayra hissed suddenly, snapping her out of it.

She blinked, looking down at her notebook, realizing she had written the same word twice. "Haan?"

"Daydreaming again?" Sonal teased. "Must be some mystery guy."

Avani gave a soft laugh and shook her head. "Bas thoda neend aa rahi thi."

The lecture dragged on, and when it finally ended, they made their way to the canteen. The smell of samosas and chai filled the air, the usual cluster of students crowding around tables. They found a spot, and Kayra immediately started gossiping about a senior who had proposed to her friend.

"Boys are such idiots," Sonal laughed. "They think two lines of shayari and one Dairy Milk will get them a girlfriend."

Avani sipped her chai, letting them chatter. She smiled where she needed to, laughed when Sonal cracked a joke. But inside, her mind spun its own movie.

In her fantasy, she wasn't in a crowded canteen. She was in a locked storeroom, dusty and dim, a strong arm trapping her against shelves. She was gasping into someone's palm, her legs trembling as his other hand slipped under her clothes. She could almost feel the coarse drag of hair on his forearm brushing her thighs, the heat of his breath at her ear.

She shifted on her chair, crossing her legs tighter.

"Avu, you're too quiet today," Kayra teased, pulling her back. "Tell us, who's in your mind? Some secret crush?"

Avani smiled faintly, shaking her head. "No one. Just tired."

But both to them and herself knew she was lying. There was someone. A man she couldn't name. A man she shouldn't even think of this way. Yet his face slipped into her darkest fantasies without her permission.

By the end of one more day, again she had played her role well, the normal, teasing friend, the dutiful student. Nobody guessed how her skin burned under her simple kurta, how shameless her thoughts had become.

And as she sat in the auto ride home, the noise of traffic around her, she rested her head against the window and closed her eyes. In that brief quiet, the world outside disappeared, and only one thought filled her chest: One day, I'll give in.